Thursday, 8 December 2011

Too YOUNG for DD?

Everynight as I am falling asleep, I always get really deep in thought. I like the end of the day because it gives me time to be alone in my head with my thoughts. Any ways, the other night I was thinking about ttwd and how at first I thought I was the only one like this. I'm really happy to now know that I'm not and that DD is alot more common than I thought. But then I got thinking how alot of other ladies in this life style are older than me. So I got thinking maybe I'm not doing the right thing (crazy right?) I mean I am only 19!! Am I really ready to commit to this lifestyle for the rest of my life? Am I always going to want to answer to someone? Am I always going to want to give up my power to my life partner, especially in this day and age where we are suppose to be seen as equals?
Maybe I don't know what I want, so I should put an end to ttwd before we get toooooo carried away.
..
...
Then reality hit me. This is who I am. I am naturally submissive. I should be happy that I found someone who is what I want so early on in life. He completes me. Him, my daughter, and myself are 3 pieces that fit perfectly together just the way we are. I truly believe that with out DD we wouldn't run the same. Our little family isn't perfect, but we are HAPPY. There is so much LOVE.

So to answer my own questions - Yes I am ready for this lifestyle. This life style is what I am. Am I always going to want to answer to someone? Well honestly, probally not ALWAYS but do I believe it is for the best? Yes I do. Am I always going to want to give up my power to J? Yes I will. By me giving up my power to him, by submitting to him, I get a lot more out of it. I get joy, I get strength, I get inner peace, I get true forgivness from him, I get the ability to forgive myself and not have to carry around guilt. I get a chance to start over with a cllean slate when I make a mistake. I am less depressed. I am less anxious. I get taken care of to the ultimate.

I am happy that I was able to come to terms with who I am so young. I am happy that I found J early on. I am happy! :D:D
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4 comments:

  1. Susie9 December 2011 at 03:05

    Yes, most of us are older, but hey if you know what you want why not go ahead and figure it out together.

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  2. Anonymous11 December 2011 at 16:39

    I agree most couples are older. I always think that is because like most of us younger ones it is harder to come out about it since we dont think that it is common. I agree with susie since you know what you want why not figure it all out together :)

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  3. Elysia13 December 2011 at 05:33

    My H and I still consider ourselves equal partners. We always have, and that really didn't change after we began Dd. I still have a say, it's just that he gets a small overriding vote when we can't agree. He doesn't micromanage, but rather guides us overall.
    I don't know if *I* would have been as brave as you at 19, but in a lot of ways,even *then* I wanted this, I just didn't know what it was.
    The internet is fantastic in that it brings us so much information which can bring clarity and understanding. It also brings like-minded souls together, and that can be very special, and offer a lot of support. I have found this kind of support invaluable. It doesn't matter where you live, your income level, you ethnicity or your age. You just need to be able to blog to find the support that you need. :-)

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  4. xoxmellyxox15 December 2011 at 16:05

    Susie and Cate,
    thank you both.

    Elysia,
    I agree with how the internet can help ALOT. I can understand waiting untill later in life and not knowing about this stuff. If it wasnt for my dear friend Google I wouldn't know that this is as common as it is and I would just be weird and ashamed.

    Happy holidays to all of you.
    Melly

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